How Not To Cook Pizza

I've been sitting here this evening working away and I've just noticed I feel quite tired. I'm normally a bit of a night-owl so 01:00 is a fairly early for me to have heavy eyelids.

I've just worked out why, and it's because of a sequence of seemingly unrelated facts...

• I'd made some muffins for breakfast at the weekend with some cheap sausages that gave off a lot of fat and I haven't cleaned the grill pan yet.


• The bedroom I use for an office is directly above my kitchen, but the stairs are in the opposite corner of the house, making me 2 hypotenuses and 1 storey away from the kitchen.


• I bought a pizza for tea tonight as I was feeling a bit lazy, and in my haste to scoff it I didn't turn the oven off. I *did*, however turn the grill on instead without realising.

The result: my grill has been happily turning the fat from the sausages to a very thin smoke for the last 5 hours and I didn't notice. My eyes did, however, and they want to close now.

And that is how not to cook pizza.