Well, they've gone on holiday and asked us to baby-sit them. Same difference...
They're very cute, either way.
This was the initial design after learning that we'd be spending the weekend on a barge...
...except on further digging I found we were staying on something more like this so I had to go back to the drawing board with very little time left to make it.
Here's the basic sponge cake, all jammed-up and ready for the marzipan.
Marzipan layer added.
Iced and decorated.
Step 1 - cut the neck (scrag) off to cut into chops later.
Next, cut the whole carcass into three primal cuts. Cousin matt is demonstrating "The Forsythe" in the background.
My flat isn't temperature controlled like the processing plant was, so spare parts have to kept in the fridge when not working on them.
A good way through the process you'll have a load of lamb joints like this. Note the tenderloins near the middle of the picture - these are the most tender parts of the animal and are amazing flash-fried and served with some roast veg.
A bit more hacking and chopping later, and the result is a vast array of chops and joints. We used Cousin Matt's mincing machine to mince the offcuts.
Waste-not want-not. We used the bones to make a few pints of fresh stock. The end result was about 16kg of meat for £160. That's about the same as regular supermarket meat, but ours is certified organic Salt Marsh lamb from Rhug Farm in Wales, instead of anonymous prepacked produce.
Biscuit crumbs! I eschewed the traditional rolling pin and plastic bag technique in favour of a food processor. Boooooooring...
Mix with some melted butter, then press into the bottom of a greased cake tin.
Mix up some cream, philadephia, a couple of drops of vanilla and some other magic ingredients, then pour them over the buscuit base. bake in a bain marie until it wobbles very gently when rocked.
Most of the way there now, but not quite finished yet. The grains in the topping are orange zest, in case you're wondering.
The finished cake. I decorated it with some tangerine pieces, and made a syrup from sugar, water and some juice I squeezed from a couple of oranges.
Food porn!
Cousin Matt suiting up into his protective chainmail apron. They're quite heavy although you get used to them pretty quickly.
The first primal cut removed from the carcass.
Skip forward a few hours and the carcass is reduced to a table full of joints and chops. Nom nom.
Here's the model I based the cake on. It's a Mercedes Sprinter in case you were wondering. And no, I'm not an ambulance nerd - I had to look it up :-).
I like to draw my cakes before I start baking so I know what I'm trying to make (even if the drawings are a bit "industrial"). It sort of helps me to keep it in check if it starts going a bit weird half-way through.
To make the gingerbread, gently heat an unholy concotion of brown sugar, butter and cream. Stir until fully melted and combined.
Mix the dry ingredients - plain flour, baking powder and some ground ginger, then mix it into the treacle. I like to add a bit extra ginger so it has a little kick to it. Once it's all combined you have to work quickly as it will slowly harden as it cools.
Roll the mixture out into sheets about 5mm thick, cut them to shape and then bake them until they just start to darken around the edges. I'd made some templates for the individual parts so I cut them to shape before I put them in the oven. However, they spread slightly as they cook so I trimmed them up again when they came out. Again - work quickly because they harden very quickly as they cool down and you'll end up cracking the pieces if you're not careful.
Once the pieces have cooled, glue them together with a thick icing. I had to trim a couple of pieces down more so they all fitted together properly.
I made a chocolate sponge cake to mount the ambulance on, which also meant it would go further.
This was the starting point for the multi-bird roast, all bought from Borough Market a couple of days beforehand.
First step was to fully debone the birds since we're wrapping them inside each other. I left the bones in the legs and wings of the turkey so it held some of its shape.
The leftover bones. Gruesome, although they made an amazing stock to use in the gravy - even my vegetarian brother tried it!
Next, we stacked the deboned birds up biggest to smallest with a layer of stuffing in between. Yeah, I know - right now this doesn't look much better than the piles of bones.
Finally, wrap it all up and sew the skin together on the turkey. I.. I'm still not sure I really want to eat this.
However, after adding a bacon lattice and cooking for about 7 hours it suddenly looks pretty appetising. Fortunately it also tasted pretty amazing so it was worth all the effort.
Not to be outdone, Cousin Matt also cooked a joint of beef to perfection.